I am a control freak.
WHEW. There, I said it. Now to some, this may not be that big of a deal. In fact it is a trait I think A LOT of women have. There are some good sides to this, like being detail oriented and being a problem solver. But it can also turn me into a stressed out crazy woman!!!
The last 2 weeks have been very difficult ones for me. The first week this month I was very sick. It was really just a bad cold, and it makes me really mad that I work out and eat healthy PLUS I take vitamins and none of that seemed to prevent my getting sick. When I get sick, I get depressed. When I get depressed, you guessed it, I eat things I shouldn’t. Not only that, but I eat WAY more than I should. I think over eating and eating food that is bad for you is permissible sometimes, but the last 2 weeks have been absolutely inexcusable… having ups and downs in life is natural and unavoidable. The way we handle those is what decides our character, and right now I feel like I have none at all. Instead of trusting God I seek comfort in food and occasionally alcohol.
So, the first week I was sick and missed a lot of work, and I was depressed. The second week was probably the busiest week I have ever had at work, and I was the most stressed I have ever been except when I was in college. Stress happens to everyone, but because I am such a control freak I don’t handle stress very well AT ALL. Enter: wine. Lots of it. After 3 days of this I realized this is not healthy so then I moved on to eating food that’s bad for me and that makes me feel horrible…
The worst part is that I know this is a cycle with me. No matter how hard I fight it, it seems to creep back in. This isn’t just about losing the weight I have always wanted to lose, it’s about being happy. When I am stressed, I should be trusting God. I have always prided myself on not being a worrier. I chastise my husband for worrying all the time, not seeing the fact that when I lose control of a situation I lose my trust in God, and become completely unhinged!
Feeling down on myself is not constructive though, so I am trying to move forward. I am brushing myself off, and hoping to have a week of health and happiness next week! I often point out the flaws in others, and fail to see the flaws in myself. I think once I realize the flaws I have it crushes me and makes me feel small… but that is not what a champion of Christ should feel like. So today I am moving on, and trying to serve the Lord the best way I can!
Have a healthy happy Saturday everyone. Let’s hope for a stress free week for all of us! 🙂